Treasure marriage as gift from God and sacred covenant
By Bishop Woodie W. White
Some time ago, I was having lunch with a friend who was widowed in the past year. She and her husband, a United Methodist clergyman, had a happy, fulfilling and inspiring marriage of more than 50 years. I had admired the couple and thought that theirs was a relationship to emulate.
During the course of our conversation, it was obvious that she was still mourning her beloved husband, and I asked how long they had been married. She responded without hesitation, "Not long enough!"
During these past several weeks, thousands of couples have been joined together in marriage. This is the season of weddings. We are told, however, that half of these marriages will end in divorce. The love professed, the commitment declared will not stand the test of time and circumstances.
I suppose couples marry for as varied reasons as there are individuals. I am sure most of them, if asked, would respond that they married because they were in love. However, the response is not as self-explanatory as they might assume. Love has as many meanings as those professing it.
Many couples who have recently married may not yet be aware that marriage is one of the most demanding yet rewarding of all human relationships. In some ways expectations brought to marriage are unrealistic. What has become clear to me over the years is that the marital relationship, beyond love, requires hard work.
Two distinct personalities coming together and covenanting to establish a common home — often with differing philosophies and sometimes with conflicting ones — is a challenging task indeed. Even when a couple holds much in common, the adjustments to a life together can be significant. It requires patience, flexibility, sensitivity and so much more.
Perhaps there are couples who should have never married. Not only did the wrong reasons prevail in their decision, but in some ways there was not a commitment to a lifelong relationship, despite the words in the wedding liturgy.
On the other hand, I am convinced that some marriages were ended prematurely. A couple, or one of its partners, was unwilling to put forth enough effort to make the relationship and marriage work. Temporary problems were viewed as permanent and not fixable.
Still, there are marriages and relationships that are so dysfunctional and destructive that to require persons to remain in them is unconscionable. However regrettable, separation or divorce is preferable.
While marriage is an institution at the center of most societies — with differing forms and expectations — it is nonetheless, for many, more than a mere social contract or arrangement. Certainly for United Methodists and most other Christians, as well as for persons of other religious traditions, marriage is a sacred relationship. A sacred Covenant. A life Commitment. A Gift of God.
As a young pastor, so many years ago, I memorized the Introduction of the Wedding Liturgy most often used at that time. I would look into the eyes of the happy and often nervous couple, and then look at the congregation and say,
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate instituted of God, and signifying unto us the mystical union which exists between Christ and his Church, which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence in Cana of Galilee. It is therefore not to be entered into unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two people come now to be joined."
- The Book of Worship, The United Methodist Church
Today the language and liturgy may have changed, but not the covenant pledge and its sacred nature, God's gift with human application and implication.
I pray for all those who have gathered in home, sanctuary, courthouse or some other special place, and shared vows and expressions of love. I wish I could say to them all that I have learned and am still learning that marriage is hard work, indeed; yet it is a relationship like none other.
I have been blessed with a spouse who has been forgiving, flexible and faithful. My weakness has been her strength. We have managed to hold together through joys and sorrows, rewards and disappointments. We have laughed, cried and prayed together. We have grown in faith, love and commitment. A perfect marriage? Not on your life! But a marriage that is both fulfilling and rewarding. A blessing. And hard work.
Oh, yes, you may wonder how long we've been married. In the words of my friend, "Not long enough!"
Copyright 2005 United Methodist Reporter. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Retired United Methodist Bishop Woodie W. White currently serves as bishop-in-resident at Candler School of Theology in Atlanta, Ga.